Socially Awkward realization
First, i would like to cover what has been going on. There has not been any life altering changes I have went through. There has been a lot of self reflection on my past, and a long with self-reflection, comes the realizations of my life. I don’t remember telling this, but about 6 months ago I realized I was socially awkward. How did I come to this conclusion? Well, I was in the shower and I was reflecting over my life. One of the main things I noticed is when I was in the neighborhood of 13 years old. I started drifting away from most of my friends. It was hard to realize something like this about yourself, and never see it for yourself until later in life. So - 27 years after it started, I FINALLY saw it for myself. What does it mean for me? Well, it means that I have to work a little harder to be close to people. Can you blame people for this? Of course you can, but in reality, it’s up to YOU to deal with yourself. So, although I have a good idea what caused this change in me; I do not blame the people that were involved. It’s just how I handled the difficult situation I was in at the time.
How am I going about dealing with this?
Well, I have always been more solo, but yet deep down, I want to be with people. So, in order to help deal with this problem, I’m putting myself in social settings more and more. Therapist calls this exposure therapy, but before I knew what this was called, I done it. When I finally cracked the shell I was in from childhood; I done this in a VERY extreme way. I got a job at the arcade at the mall. That forced me to deal with a lot of people, and it allowed me to solve a lot of my social anxiety/fears. Then when i did go through what I went through this past 2 years, it showed me another fact that I never realized. Everyone is a person, they have their own ideas, views, hopes, dreams, and yes, fears.
Dating with social awkwardness
So I have recently started looking around for someone to date, and ultimately get to know in a romantic sense. I have found that when I’m trying to talk to someone for the first time, I don’t know what to say. I usually end up saying something rather stupid/childish. While some people find that awkwardness attractive, some women see that as a ‘problem’. If they think it’s a problem, and you are being yourself, move on. There are a lot of people in the world, and don’t get stuck in a relationship that is not fulfilling to yourself.
Bad relationships
Everyone has had their share of bad relationships by the time we are my age (41). If you continually re-live those relationships by talking about them, comparing the current relationship to that worst one, you will poison the current relationship. I’m not saying forget about it, I’m saying don’t constantly think about it nor dwell on it. Do I do this? Yes, I do this WAY to often. I’m working on this, but it’s still in my mind. I am glad I now know that there is someone out there for everyone. if you find that someone, fight like hell to keep it. I have heard that the best relationships are the ones that come naturally. I don’t know this for myself, cause I haven’t been in one of those yet. I am hopeful that this will happen.
Conclusion
While our past defines us in a lot of ways. Don’t let it rule your current life. If you let the bad experiences rule your current life, you will never be happy. You have to be happy with yourself before you find happiness with other people. While you are working on yourself, look around and find friends that you get along with. One thing to keep in mind, we are all a work in progress. No one is a perfect person.
Some Links worth checking out:
Verywellmind - Dealing with Social Awkward post COVID
A Funny or reality - not sure which
